A working progress (mid year reflections)

The month of July ushers in the second half of the year. I have heard many remark on how quickly the year seems to be flying by (this may be symptomatic of getting older). For me July is extra special because it is also my birthday month.

Most years, the build up to July and my birthday is that of excitement, however, this year I felt more anxious than anything. It really was hard to push this feeling of anxiety away.

Digging deeper beneath the surface and talking to a couple of friends, I realized that this was due to implicit or direct pressure I felt, to have achieved certain things by a certain age. The pressures of feeling that important goals had not yet been met, fears of how others would judge me, and concerns that I have not yet figured out a way to get to that early retirement!

So, as I usually do in times like this, I decided to step away from it all, withdraw from everyday routine, and do some soul searching. Reboot and reset if you may. During this time of reflecting in solitude, here are some truths I was reminded of:

Progress (is progress no matter how small)

I don't know about you, but I tend to minimize achievements and steps made towards goals, whilst being overly focused on challenges and stumbling blocks. Once you keep going, you are making progress even if it is baby steps. If you did stop, it is never too late to start right back again. About 8 years ago, I trained to run (mainly jog) 5K. This was tough to start off, but I eventually enjoyed the challenge. I then set out to continue training to 10K. I fell off the track and didn't make it.

In 2020 during lockdown, I started all over, and made it to 5K a second time. Again I told myself I would progress to 10k, and once again I fell off the track.

There is nothing wrong with starting over, or also deciding to take up a different sport. The point is having succeeded twice before, this should be a motivation to push myself to the next level. After all, I’m in a better place than I was 8 years ago. Instead, my critical self only sees failed attempts.

I remind myself to pay attention to steps made, no matter how small.

I am a working progress; it is never too late to restart.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up”.

Galatian 6:9

Perseverance

In the book of Luke (5:4-7), there is a story of seasoned fishermen who had toiled all night, and yet had not caught anything. Jesus comes along and asks them to cast their net down into the water again. Jesus told them to do the same thing they had been doing just a few hours before in the same place and had not got any result. This was not the rational thing to do. I can relate to how the disciples must have felt at the time, exhausted, skeptical, and demoralized. Putting so much energy, time, and effort into something and not reaping any results. After the instruction, Simon responds that they have done the same thing all night and had not been successful, but at Jesus' word they would let down the nets. When they did this, they reaped a catch of fish so large, that their nets were breaking. They had to call in other boats to help. The difference between having no catch, and a bountiful catch was the word of God and the obedience of the disciples. Now the disciples were not moving in disobedience the night before, and so there is something to be said about God’s timing (for his divine purpose).

It is now my daily prayer to discern the voice God, and to follow in obedience because this is what would make a difference, not necessarily a change in direction. May I be patient in walking in God’s perfect timing in all aspects of life.

“ When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink”.

Luke 5:6-7

Purpose

Having sold over 50 million copies in many different languages, one can safely say that the questions raised in a Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, is one that resonates with many of us. We wonder why we are on earth and what our unique purpose is. Knowing that you are walking in purpose, even if the road sometimes has challenges, keeps you going, one step at a time. A couple of years ago, I took part in a spiritual formation class which provided guides around your central integral question (another phrase for God’s given purpose). This involved learning more about my personality, strengths, weaknesses, and gifts that can either draw me closer to my purpose or lead me to drift away.

I find myself to be a natural encourager, and so I need to be intentional about what this looks like on a day to day basis. I need to set routines (rule of life) that would help me make the most of this gift for the benefit of others. I should grow to understand how I behave or withdraw when tired or stressed. This would help me set specific activities to reset and be rejuvenated.

To me, striving to walk in God’s purpose should be more of a marker of success than other things we would typically call out, such as marriage, qualifications, having children, a dream job, or being rich. Certainly these things can be a part of how you get to achieve your purpose but should not be seen as the end goal.

So as we move to the second half of the year, I hope to remind myself of these truths; to remain hopeful, and to be steadfast in the joy and peace of God regardless of the situation.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”.

Romans 15:13

Prayerlessness

Praying does not always come easy. There are times when I feel too tired, miss the alarm, or just procrastinate. Before long, days have passed, and this slowly becomes a routine. Of course, there may be the quick mumbled prayer as I jump out of bed, into the car or behind my desk at work. I may thank God for the day, ask for his protection, or for his help through a daunting task. But I find myself thinking there has got to be more to prayer than that.

There are times when I tell myself that God already knows my heart, what I think and what I feel, so there is no need to say much. I may set aside time to pray, but I am short of words. I easily get distracted or doze off.

In times like this, I need to pull away from my daily routine to see how I may get back on track. I am reminded of a quote by Jackie Hill Perry, which said that prayerlessness is almost always a humility issue. We make excuses of busyness or a lack of discipline but deep down, it is pride that deludes us into thinking that we are self-sufficient. To be more prayerful we need to face the reality that we are perpetually needy and dependent on God – even when it does not feel like it.

As I reflect some more, something tells me to examine my heart, because prayer is not just about having a long request list but communing and building relationship with my divine creator and father. The one who cares for me and longs to be in fellowship not because he needs it, but because I desperately do.

I decide to start over. Like the disciples, I ask God to teach me to pray and use the Lord’s prayer as a starting point for my daily prayer. I write out a couple of daily prayers based on scripture – reading through these provides a sense of rejuvenation; like a car battery being jump started.

I pull out my hardcover bible as I realize I have been too reliant on my bible app, and highlight verses that would encourage me as I pray throughout the day. I decide to set time aside each day for prayer. I may be a bit hard on myself when I fail, but the most important thing is that I keep trying.

I try to make time for silence in prayer – that I may hear what God is saying to me. After all, relationships and communication go both ways. Who wants to be in a relationship where you only hear from the other person when they need something, or be stuck with someone who does all the talking, not listening to what you have to say?

Most importantly, I seek to search my heart and turn away from any thoughts or habits that may be drawing me away from God, to set my heart on eternity rather than what is in front of me, and to always find something to be thankful for, and praise God. It is in these moments that I start to see a shift……

Unscripted.....

It feels like one of those days where most things are not going according to plan. As I wrote today's post, nearly ready to upload, I lost it all. Nope I did not have any form of back up. It seemed like the last straw of the day, as I have been fighting with technology all day. So I debated what to do... to try and re write it all, or go to sleep, and try another day. I've opted for the second, to come again with fresh eyes and try again.

But I really wanted to reach out this evening anyway to say, watch out for a new post in the next few days...

And also to encourage each one of you to step into the coming week with faith and joy. Should things not go according to plan, it is alright to take a break and start all over again. The main thing is to not stop - to keep going. Keep moving, because his grace is sufficient:

2 Corinthians 12:9a But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 9:8

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

Blessings x