No man is an island

One of my favourite feel good movies, “About a Boy”, starts with an excerpt from the popular game show “who wants to be a millionaire”. The host asks, who wrote the phrase “No man is an island?”, and the film goes on to show a thirty-something year old man who initially insists on an uncomplicated life with no attachments, commitments to other people or complicated emotions. Throughout the film, it turns out that he has something to give, in (reluctantly at first) helping a young boy who is bullied at school, and his mother who struggles with depression. Very soon it is a full house with imperfect people, who are there for each other, doing life together.

I have found that as one gets older, it can be hard to have true friends. People who would be there for you through thick and thin. With whom life is simple and those you can count on to come running to bail you out should you ever be in trouble. I heard someone once say, that no one talks about the miracle of Jesus having 12 close friends in his thirties!

The truth is, people can and will let you down. You will get hurt. There have been seasons where I have felt betrayed by people whom I had considered good friends. You may sometimes have to give up your own creature comforts for others around you. And like the protagonist in the film, may feel that life is more simply lived as an island with no complications.

We were however not made to be alone. People were made for relationships. God is relational, and as we are made in his image, we all yearn for companionship, a sense of belonging and togetherness. We flourish in the midst of others. We need the presence of others to get through dark and sorrowful times. I believe that for each of us, our God given destiny or purpose cannot be fulfilled in isolation. Whatever shape or form your purpose comes in, it would be to have some kind of impact on others. We were made to draw close to God, and to others around us :

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

John 15:12-13

As I recently turned a year older, and reflected on the people in my life, I resolved to do better in valuing relationship and being there for others. My heart was so full, reminiscing on the friends and family who accept me just the way I am: the good parts and the flaws, and remind me that I am enough.

I am so thankful for the friends that encourage me to keep going, even when life is hard. Those who call and remind me to pray. The friends with whom I laugh so hard that I get stitches, and the ones who always get into debates. Those with whom I have not have spoken in months or years, but we pick up right where we left, when we meet. Those in different parts of the world, and those that put up with my inconsistent communication patterns and do not give up on me.

There is a joy that comes with being with people who know you, accept you for who you are, and allow you to be yourself, but would also speak truth and hold you accountable. As Christians, we are encouraged to consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, to meet together and encourage each other (Hebrews 10:24-25).

Certainly there are those friends that would only be around for a season. Those that would let you down or break your heart. But don’t let that be a reason to build up walls (as I’m often tempted to do); choose your friends carefully, be optimistic, disciplined and intentional about developing true and deeper friendships. Set good routines of meeting together, and checking on each other. Forgive often.

You may have friends that are similar to you, but also have diverse friends that may teach you a different perspective or worldview. Have a friend who would push you out of your comfort zone, one whom you can learn from and another who can learn from you.

True friendship, as put by C.S. Lewis, is the greatest of worldly goods and the chief happiness of life (Collected Letters,174). Treasure friendship but most of all be a friend to others.

P.s. The quote 'no man is an island', is attributed to the poet John Donne.

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