Finding Yourself, Your Identity

Looking back, I would say that it was probably around the age of 18, that I really deeply started thinking about “me”. Who I was, what defined me, where my identity lay, where my focus was and what my future may look like.

At the time, I lived in Bedford, a town in the midlands, England and had attended upper school and sixth form in a school that sat in one of the villages on the outskirts of Bedford.

About three years before, I had been catapulted from the life I was familiar with, to a new land, new people, and new ways of being. Being defined as a minority, as the odd one out, the one from “Africa” with a funny accent, making new friends, navigating between the cool and not cool kids and positions in the common room. My aim at that time in my life was to blend in, not to stand out and to belong.

By this time however, I was well versed in popular culture and had my close group of friends. We were not the popular kids, but we were also not the nerds that congregated in the corner of the sixth form common room. On weekends we went to the cinema or bowling. When the weather was good, hanging out by the river was a must. In the summer we looked forward to spending days out, theme parks and the river festival, and in the autumn, guy fawkes bonfire night was always a highlight. We spent hours talking about who was dating who, and who liked who. We all dreamt of heading out to University, having good jobs and having a family.

I started to think more deeply about how one must lead one's life, what the meaning and purpose was behind having a family, studying or working. Was it just to have a good life and be comfortable? What kind of legacy did I want for my life.

At this point of my life, I made the decision to go deeper in my walk with God. To be more proactive in delving deeper into the word, into his purpose for my life and more importantly building my identity around what God has already spoken regarding this.

One story that I identified with, was that of Esther. Even though I did not know exactly when, where or how, I felt that I also needed to be bold and courageous and stand up for a cause even if there was a risk of losing a lot. And I wrote in my purple notepad: So I will go to the King which is against the law, and if I perish, I perish Esther 4:16b”.

Esther was queen when her people (Jews) were in great danger of being killed due to a royal order. She had to go against the law to make a plea to the King. She was scared, she was going to be risking her life, she was reminded that maybe this was the purpose for which she was queen at this particular time in history. She eventually gathered courage and decided to approach the King and advocate for her people (she was successful).

A woman of such courage and strength, to stand up for what was right in spite of the risks, is a character I yearned for, and aspired to.

Another question I asked myself, was how I wanted to interact with others around me. As a young person who gravitated towards helping others in need, (When people would ask me what profession I would want to get into, I remember saying that I don’t know exactly what, but I would want to be doing something that involves supporting the most vulnerable in society).

I sought to be as considerate of others as I could be, I hoped to be giving of self rather than being self seeking and conceited. To be sincere and peaceable in my interactions with others, and for this James 3:16-17 was my mantra:

"16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere".

In looking ahead to the future, and the challenges that may come, I had a sense that there would be good days and bad days. That in as much as I hoped to stay focused in my walk to get to know God and grow in faith, I knew there would be days that I would go off track, days that I would get lost and days that would seem so dark with no way out.

In these moments, it was my hope that I would remember this verse and it would remind me to get up and get going, and it would remind me of the one who would see me through these hard times:

"when I fall, I shall rise; When I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me,

Micah 7:8".

This was the first step. The realization that what I was hearing each Sunday, was of relevance, was worth noting and imprinting on my mind. This is what would help me make sense of the world, affect my motives, my vision for the future, and how I relate to those around me.

I was no longer the young lady who wanted to blend in with the crowd and not stand out. I was ready to start on a path of 'my' unique purpose and destiny, to carve out a different path and move boldly in it.

These were the beginning blocks of forging my identity and the search to find my purpose.

This was the beginning of a new chapter.