Enduring Friendship

Friendships can be said to be an essential part of living, and was described by C.S. Lewis as the greatest of worldly goods; the chief happiness of life. At the same time, we also know that there are good, helpful and healthy friendships, as there are damaging and toxic friendships. The book of proverbs highlights the importance of choosing friends wisely:

The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin,

But there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother

Psalm 18:24

Over the years, I have come to appreciate that not every friendship may stand the test of time, and it is alright for some friendships to only be for a season. Recently, I came across an article which gave an overview of 'The Nichomacean Ethics' written by Aristotle over two thousand years ago (and still relevant today). In this there are three kinds (levels) of friendships:

Friendship of utility

Here friendships are based on transactions or what each person may benefit from the relationship. At university I had a number of part time jobs from waitressing, to working in care homes. I would regularly chat with friends here about everything during work hours and we would sometimes meet up after work. It made work more manageable, and on occasion you had someone you could count on when you needed to swap a shift. However after leaving these jobs, the friendships dwindled over time.

Friendship of passion

These kind of friendships are based on a common interest, 'passion' or hobby. We may share a common interest for nature, keeping fit or dancing. But we rarely meet outside of these activities, and should I move on to something else or move out of the area, it is likely these friendships would fade.

Friendship of good

This is the best form of friendship, as it is based on the values we respect in each other. Each person wishes the best for the other, and pushes the other to succeed. These are lifelong friendships that transcend geography or time. They are harder to find and take more time and effort to blossom. Of course friendships that started as transactional (utility) or based on a common passion, can grow over time into this kind of friendship. It is a true blessing to have such friends that would challenge you and push you to be a better version of yourself.

We may have had friendships that turned out to be messy, full of disappointment, pain and regret. There may be a need to set boundaries, and love some people from a distance. In spite of this, it is still worth it to put in the time and effort to build enduring friendships. These are the friends that are as close as (if not closer than) family. They are the ones that get us through life's darkest storms, and make the days with blue skies on the mountain top, so worth it.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor

Romans 12:9-10